Dixie Moonbeam

Word Saplings

Hello, fresh slate.

I'm still the same but I am entirely different. I am wed to an amazing man who was, of course, beyond amazing before he was my husband- but now there is a new level to our love. A bold new gleam to our togethereness. I am tremendously taken aback by this whole shift but at the same time-I feel like I haven't quite given enough voice to my feelings on it. Writing hasn't been at the top of my list of priorities recently. I have not been so diligent in looking at the words in my heart.

Here's a bit on how I do feel!

This road is a mystery. A mystery with soft borders. I feel completely secure in the integrity of my relationship, the dependability of my partner, the depth and richness of the love that we have grown from a seedling to this whole forest. What I'm not sure about is how I will change, what parts of myself will become foreign to me, and what new parts of myself have yet to develop and become second nature to me. I know I am already a Wife, but that's a new part of "me", and so I'm still learning just what that means. Since I don't prescribe to the traditional steroptypes of what a woman's ( or a man's) "role" is supposed to be within a Marriage, I am figuring out what my role is as  one half of a partnership. As an equal to my beloved. I know that in the past I have had my shortcomings in this area. Whether it was with doing less housework than Gabriel or making less money than him or whatever else, I feel like I've got some real work to do on myself. Not to be a "good wife", but to become a better partner. I want to meet him wholly in love and  domestic partnership.

Also, I want to make sure that we are finding ways to have lots of fun together, in addition to all the hubbub of housekeeping and life planning and whatnot. SO! We're going on our honeymoon to Portland, OR in less than two weeks and we couldn't be more excited. Of course, since we do not have barrels and barrels of money with which to throw around frivalously, we will be on a bit of a budget-but we will make the most of it. Planning to visit with his family in Seattle for a bit and see a few concerts and spend some time in Portland with my brother and spend a BUNCH of time exploring and adventuring the Northwest (and Powell's books) by ourselves. It's going to be excellent.

I believe I will leave it at that. I've had a lot of Iced Coffee, and I'm tired of sitting in this flat metal chair. It is my goal to write more often. To track my feelings and thoughts better. To watch myself grow. Oh what a journey! Cheers!

 

All if Full of Love!

-Skye

 

 

Ray Lamontagne's voice is like Autumn. Crisp, rich and warm as mulled cider. So good!

My heart is ready for bold new steps. Ready to dance like a wild thing. Beating in time with my other. My love (r). Ready for Adventuring and seeking more evolvolution.
That is all.

self-as-team

i am at a very peculiar place.

i am realizing, in perusing old writings, videos, songs and such...what it was that must have been so unfavorable about myself in the past. im realizing the areas where i might have pushed peoples buttons, the places where i didn't know how to listen well enough. it's enough to make me feel pretty guilty for ways i have acted in the past.  i really really have spent a good lot of time and energy in trying to hard to be liked. in the process i have ended up not always liking myself so much, and probably being liked less by others. all of this truth is hard to stomach at once.

the good part of this procedure is...now i can use the holes in my former armor to construct a stronger definition of who i am coming to be now. the venture, the journey for ones self is no easy walk thru the park. this, i know. but it sure is interesting to come face to face with the mirror...past, present and future....and finally take honest stock of what was and what is, and how i'd like to shape what is yet to be.

there have been a handful of times in these last few weeks where i've thought to myself "i just want my old life back"...and now i know thats no longer true. if anything, i just want to be who i'm becoming already. i wish the finding myself process would hurry up a little. but we can't play with time. time can only play with us.

(adendum: a few hours after i posted this blog and sobbed a little about it to my soul-sis-diana, i got a message from a girl i've known since she was ten or younger. she just wanted to tell me how much of an inspiration i'd been for her and how much she appreciated me. HUMBLING! omg. this was proof to me of the yin and yang of the daily grind. also, diana reminded me "see! you cant throw out all the things about the old you, coz some of it helped other people!" so true. bless.)

i've a lot to be thankful for. i sure am glad to be seeing things clearly. its painful. but real. thank goodness, too, for sleepy cats on the orange chair, roses from sweethearts, and rainbow soul sisters. im ready for fall. to turn over many a new leaf.

hold-me.count-to-five.let-go.

lately i've been taking more steps off to myself

and less into your arms

lately i've been calculating the distance 

from my pen to my eyelid

and not

the distance

from my head to your shoulder

this does not mean i am withdrawing

it means that i've been tired.

so when i have turned my back on you in sleep

and you've wondered where my eyes go

inside my head, it sounds like this

this is 

how to love me best

when i am

at my worst you

hold me.

count to five.

let go.

im sure it wont

come naturally at first

but if you want to hear my heart

just

hold me

count to five

let go

sometimes love is scary

the first big time you try it

and whats scarier is telling big love

you need room to breathe

beside it

and what 

hurts the worst

is when you cant 

say where it hurts

when i cant really

show you first

i've got to 

cry to find just 

why it hurts

so when you really

know it hurts

please

hold me.

count to five.

let go.

 

lately my walks at night don't wear ice cream cones 

and girlish laughter

lately my dreams are tough enough to chew on

not just happy ever after

and one would think that being home makes

homemaking happen all the faster

but its harder

coz the new me

feels like 

the old me's bastard

so this is 

how to hear me best

when i am

at my quietest

please

hold me.

count to five.

let go.

don't worry if i've stepped away

i won't go far 

my heart will stay

we're allied with the moon, you and i

so know that at my highest tides

i'm still waiting for the sunrise

and trying to catch it thru your eyes

so when the troubles all have passed

and i am peaceful here at last

don't wait for me to tell you so

just 

hold me

count to five

you'll know

i'm in between but way more fresher...

-sir kanye west

preface:
the cereal box is on the table and so is the castile soap.
still living out of a suitcase for this being of time.
tabitha is a sweet kitty who talks.

sometimes we talk like folks who've known each other farrr longer than we actually have.
the recipe is new so you can tweak it.
i've never had this much communication with mars, as mars with venus.
who am i some days?
i'm taking stock of the number of times i use the word maybe in my writing.
sometimes i feel like it's overuse would have me appear more indecisive than i am realistically.

holy crap, i haven't written since i landed.
almost a month of keeping too busy to put my pen to work.
enough, i suppose.
time is on our side but it still keeps on ticking ticking ticking.
we'll be moving in to the pink room come sunday.
reinvention has been a running theme in my life.
nothing new there.

i do love this man like i love orange juice.
he is so good.
for. to. with. beside.

sometimes i get nervous that he wont understand my language
then i realize that at 1 AM, i can hardly understand my own eyelids
let alone what my mouth is saying.

i don't think that life is supposed to be simple.
i think it's supposed to be a bit of a pain in the ass from time to time
to make you appreciate the lovely moments with a fuller grasp
to make you hold your smiles and laughter out
longer
wider
till its all a big echo of the worlds guffaws
and the world wets their proverbial pair of pants.

(summary- norfolk is really good. life is really a challenge. things are really happening and its great to be alive)

d'ja get a load of those sparkle pushers!?

....erm...yea i don't know what that means but HEY

its springtime, kiddies. and its time for another installment of:
its 1 in the morning, my boyfriends in the rest room and im blogging because i can

in short- the updates go a little something like this-
new album, moving back to va, drinking a lot of grapefruit juice and having big talks,
getting excited, making good dinners, dealin with stressers, watching lord of the rings,
laughing, boxes of beer, blown out shoes (the brown croc's finally kicked it...),
himalayan fair, cheeseboard pizza, lovin' lovin' lovin',
va on the brain...
more love

its only the beginning but the general feeling is
I Have So Much To Look Forward To and SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR.

california, you have really helped me grow. thank you for all of it. and whatever else we do together in the future.
sincerrely,
your little bitty big bird,
skye

tart little hard candy.

the tricky part of being open is that it means all your rough edges are on display, that you've made yourself available to be leered at, and you're welcoming the glares, judgements and potential misconceptions with wide arms knowing that the truth is in the soul of your smile.

i am great at run-on sentences.

i am also joyfully unemployed.

may is a big month of getting things sorted. watching the boys again on a regular basis. supporting their growth and their creative process. being paid on more than one level to do so.

at the end of the month i box my items (the ones i am keeping) and put them on display in the gallery de gabriel, blue light studios...until at least the end of july.

this summer is a huge chunk of fruit i cant wait to bite.
it has seeds but i am allowed to digest them.

vox is still my blogging habitat, however infrequently i may update it.
twitter is now a home for my links and musings as well. (twitter.com/isleofscribe)

i am ready to wear spring sundresses and dance in virginia heat.

limeade is returning to my table of regularly consumed beverages in june.
don't call it a comeback!

i'm so behind the times on this one. but hell with it.

so, first off; i know the naysayers will wag a finger at me for writing a blog about john mayer in the first place...seeing as how i'm in a stellar relationship, am currently in the process of quitting my job and planning my summer vacation you would THINK i'd have better and more mind expansive things to virtually blab about...

but not tonight, folks.

tonight i am falling in love with a song that is about two years older than this post...and one that i probably shouldn't even like seeing as how a lyric within it is "you'll be a bitch because you can". yet somehow, maybe it's the haunting lilt of the riff with its bluesy "ouch" of a bra strap tug. but there's just something about this song...

somebody help me figure out what the hell it is!

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room (Live in L.A.)

life, in snapshots.

these words we scribble on the bag of our napkins are not just cute things to write home about.
they are stars colliding with astronauts
drinks that form entrees
blankets that snuggle you before you need them

i am writing this novel backwards
and i love what its doing to my brain.

the last time we'll picnic

i took the last chip. i knew they'd notice. they'd glare. looked like their mouths were full to me though. truth is...they had it coming. they'd been giving me shit for years. "how's those sandwiches?" i knew they wouldn't answer. just nodded with those same full mouths. no strong belief in napkin use, apparently. their chins were spattered with lord knows what. they still didn't even know that they were eating Princess. i sucked on an ice cube and spit it out.

-written at 12 something am, by s zentz and g robinson
(the characters and situations in this story are fictional and any resemblance to any actual persons or situations should be regarded as mere coincedence)